you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
