Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She's the barista slut.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
