i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
