When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
