you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
