My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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