i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
