Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
