Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize