Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
