All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
