She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
