He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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