Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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