glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
