I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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