Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
