you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
