If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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