I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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