a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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