You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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