i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
