i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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