how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize