I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
