Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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