how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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