I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
