she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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