At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
