I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
