your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
honey bunches of taint.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
