We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
