how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
