we have officially lost it.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
