From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
