Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
