I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
