I want you more than these girls want KFC
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
