am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize