A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
