I hate all girls vehemently.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
third nipple confirmed
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
