FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
