"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
