sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize