i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize