Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
