No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
