he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
