It's Friday. Sex?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
