apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
