Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
