I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
