just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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