Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
