When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
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