is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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