Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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