Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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