If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
