I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
