so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
