There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
