Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
