mondays should just be called national damage control day
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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