i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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