Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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