dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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