This girl is more easily done than said...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
