I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize