I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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