This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize